Courtesy has died

I recently had planned a little get together at home, a house warming dinner for a few friends, and it was a really nice evening. Good friends came over, they brought laughter and good company, and we had a fun evening. After it was over it occurred to me, that those “friends” who never showed up or even worse who never even replied to the invitation are no really people I want on my party list. They failed the courtesy test. I knew that one flaky and unreliable friend we all know would again demonstrate their poor manners. I would expect that. We always know that friend is the one you cannot count on. I knew they said yes and never be there.
I shouldn’t be surprised with the millennium generation but even the X-Generation have lost all etiquette. There were a couple of other people who didn’t have the decency to respond or decline the invitation. Others confirmed but never came or apologized to me the hostess, the one who invited them. I did buy food and drinks taking into account those confirmations, do they care? Of course not. I can’t expect education from those who don’t have it.

However it’s disappointing to know that people have lost civility and respect. People of my generation do not have thoughtfulness for others. I am not used to see or hear anyone not being considerate to give the decency of a reply. I was never accustomed to these manners growing up. I was raised in a family where you are expected to be courteous and respectful of others. (And I’m not talking about having had an emergency or a life threatening situation for which you couldn’t RSVP or had to cancel last minute, which would be reasonable).

I have to remind myself that I can’t be upset over people who never learned the concept of respect. I have to remind myself that not everyone has the thoughtfulness to call back, to decline or cancel an invitation. I have to remind myself that not everyone think this is acceptable. But why? It should not be this way. School should teach this if parents aren’t. School or Church should tell kids to be considerate of others. Be respectful. Be courteous. I only expect what I offer and that is why I cannot understand people’s behaviors. It is sad that some of these people are parents who are educating their children with the same standards. It is sad that society is becoming less and less courteous, more rude and inconsiderate of peoples time and effort; and take friendships for granted. It is sad when family values do not include to treat others as you would like to be treated.

The principal of all this, is what distresses me, because these people truly have no clue and no true understanding of what integrity is. No idea of what it implies the simple fact of being courteous. It is much deeper than responding to a silly house warming party. It essentially is far beyond that. If they knew this I’m sure they would think twice next time, but only if they had character.

Gratitude

I have been feeling really frustrated with myself lately. I can’t decide if what I have is enough. Rather I can’t decide if what I don’t have is worth my mood. I am angry at myself for wanting things I never care about before and for thinking that I need things I never considered in the past. Having it all is not a guaranteed for anyone. It’s unreal. I know that. I wanted a career and I got it. I wanted a good husband and I have him. I wanted a nice house and yes I got it. And there are other things too. Some I have some I don’t and that’s everyone’s dilemma, to want it all.

People are depressed or anxious about what’s missing in their lives, what they think or perceive they should get: a house, a car, a marriage, a child, a promotion, more health, more money, more love, etc. It is human nature to think others have it better, or that we could be happier if we just had that one other thing. Our disposition as to how we react when others appear to have what we want makes a big difference in our attitude. When we focus too much on what we can’t have, then we lose focus on what’s important. We lose motivation and pleasure on what we already have available. We missed out on enjoying everything else because we’re unhappy about additional things that may not necessary be for us. So what do I tell my clients? It may sound too simple, but it is the best tactic: I say be grateful. Really. Be truly thankful, appreciative and indebted with life. Believe or not you have much more than you deserve. You do!

Gratitude is the best medicine. The more grateful we are the less depressed we can feel. When we start to notice everything good in our lives, we can truly appreciate every little detail that makes our life better; we can enjoy life with more passion. That’s the point of keeping a gratitude journal I tell them. Appreciate what you can see, smell, hear, and touch. Appreciate your world, your family, friends, and your being.

Of course I am not saying is stress-free, otherwise I wouldn’t be so irritable lately. Thus I do apply what I preach every day. Some days are tough and some days are good. I truly practice my gratitude affirmation every night before I go to sleep and then when I wake up I might also express my appreciation for what the day has to offer me. I appreciate that today is another day to make it better, to enjoy my life. I am thankful I can get out of bed and go to work and interact with others. And that’s how I am managing my ugly mood. The more I do the easier it gets, and guess what? Writing this now has made me feel so much better. I am grateful for this outlet, I am appreciative that I can express my feelings openly, and I can say what comes to my mind without worrying. What a relief it is to vent freely. For this I am grateful today.